Are you using the correct pronouns?

It's okay to be confused or not understand some of the terms that the LGBTQ+ community uses these days. Just make sure you're making a conscious effort to educate yourself!

It's 2018. Also known as, time to stop assuming cisgender based off of external features. The safest way to go about identifying someone else's gender pronouns if you're not sure is to simply ask them which gender pronouns they prefer. Conversation is key! This is a transparent way to show that you respect their gender identity. Even if this is someone who you are not generally familiar with, there's no harm in asking before you assume. Be sure to approach the conversation in a respectful, empathetic manner, keeping their feelings in mind while addressing their cultural identifiers. Sex assigned at birth, gender identity, and gender expression are all independent from one another. Before entering conversations regarding anything within the LGBTQ+ community, educate yourself on respectful and correct terms. It is essential to realize that everyone who identifies on the spectrum is different and unique. So while you begin to learn about this community, keep in mind that not everyone identifies under the "most commons" and there is nothing wrong with that. Understand that transgender people are not the only people whose gender identity does not coincide with that of the biological sex they were assigned at birth or the roles of which society assigns. There are several other identifiers regarding gender identification, some of the most common being genderqueer, gender fluid, gender non-binary, and agender

Why are gender pronouns important?

For someone who does not identify as a part of the cisgender community, being mis-gendered can feel very invalidating and/ or stigmatizing. Asher Leahy is an 18 year old from Massachusetts who identifies as genderqueer and uses they/them, he/him pronouns. As a social aspect, he feels that pronouns are important, "It's linked to how people view me and understand me. I feel as though my body is masculine and I want that to be recognized socially," Asher said. When people assume his pronouns incorrectly, Asher feels "gross" and expresses how he would rather them go about understanding his pronouns, "I like when people ask if they're unsure, I wish that was a common practice." As you can see, genderqueer people do not have the luxuries or privileges that cisgendered people carry. Most cisgendered people do not even have to think about being mis-gendered and could not imagine the feelings that come along with this injustice.

What are some commonly used pronouns?

Pronouns that you hear most commonly include she/her/hers and he/him/his. These pronouns are socially regarded by some people as masculine or feminine, however others may avoid such labels because not everyone who identifies with the she/her/hers pronouns feels that they are the socially constructed idea of "feminine", the same may apply with he/him/his pronouns. Pronouns such as they/them/theirs fall under gender neutral. Some people may adopt more than one group of pronouns. Asher explains why he is also drawn to they/them/theirs pronouns in addition to he/him/his, "Emotionally, I don't care about gender categories- so having someone use they/them addresses that part of me where I don't fall into typical ideas of masculinity or femininity." Other common gender neutral pronouns include ze/hir/hir or no pronouns at all. People who use no pronouns at all typically prefer that others solely refer to them by their name in place of the pronouns. Never use "it" to refer to a person, this is offensive and disrespectful. This should go without saying as using the pronoun "it" makes a direct connotation that the person being specified is inferior to a human or is an object.

Labels are just labels!

While using correct pronouns is incredibly important, it is also important to remember that labels are not everything. By this I mean, it is not imperative that we conform to this idea that civilization presents in which we must always check a box for the identifier that we hold. In many cases, gender expression and gender identity are much more complicated and internally intimate than just checking a box. This in mind, be respectful of what others choose to say or not say about how they identify!