All about National Coming Out Day!

For this piece, I asked a handful of allies what they would like to know about National Coming Out Day and answered their questions to the best of my ability.

How did it start? What is the history behind it, and why October 11th?

National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th because this is the date that the National March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights took place back in 1987. The goal of the march was to gain the attention of the people in office at the time and rid the government of certain institutionalized homophobia & transphobia. This year will mark the 31st anniversary of the march and the 30th anniversary of the observance of National Coming Out Day.

Why is it important?

NCOD is one of the few days in any given year when people on the spectrum are especially recognized and celebrated. The purpose of this day is not to make individuals feel pressured to come out. It serves as a multipurpose day to recognize the people who have come out in the past, the people who will come out on NCOD, and the people who will come out in the future. I think I can speak for most queer people when I say, coming out is not easy. As we celebrate NCOD, we also recognize that the process is different for everyone. When they come out and who they come out to should be completely at their discretion.

That said, NCOD is also important because, if they so choose, it gives some people a platform to come out. Coming out can be one of the most remarkable, and one of the most vulnerable, frightening moments of ones life. October 11th is a day in which we acknowledge the immense courage it takes to come out and be your authentic self.

How should I react if someone comes out to me?

If someone comes out to you, understand the significance of this moment for them and empathize. Try and find a middle ground between downplaying the importance of their news and throwing them their own personal pride parade. The most crucial thing to remember when someone comes out to you is to respect their privacy and preferences. Someone else's sexual orientation and gender identity are not yours to share.

Ultimately, just make sure they know that you are proud of them for being themselves, and that you feel honored that they confided in you.

When is it safe to come out?

Safety always comes first! If you are in an environment where coming out could pose threats to your personal safety or wellbeing, do not come out to these people. At the very least, wait until you are in a position in which their reactions would not impact you. According to the True Colors Fund, LGBTQ+ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness than their non LGBTQ+ peers and more than half of all teens get a negative reaction from their parents when they come out to them. This devastating reality is the reason why many queer youth will remain closeted. Understand that you are not alone, you are still perfectly valid and just as courageous when you make the decision to "stay in the closet" until it is deemed safe to do otherwise.